It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
