btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
