I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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