Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
