But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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