my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
