I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Houston, we have a squirter
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am one with the molecules
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
