like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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