I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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