From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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