It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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