do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
