I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
