You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
