I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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