But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
