how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
