Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
