I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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