how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
