oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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