The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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