Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
