She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
