Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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