There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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