i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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