For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
