So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
