Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize