i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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