That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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