Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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