I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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