I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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