I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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