Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
