I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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