He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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