life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
