home. puking in laundry basket.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
