We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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