well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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