i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to sanitize my soul.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
