apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
