I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize