My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize