What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
