We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
