I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
