Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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