I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
