cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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