Don't you send me to vm
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize