Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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