so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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