so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
