All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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