This is not my ceiling
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
